If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize