Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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