I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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