Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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