the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize