My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize