felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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