we have officially lost it.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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