Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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