Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
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Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
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It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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