Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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