i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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