Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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