so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize