he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize