His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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