would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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