I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
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