Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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