I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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