YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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