I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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