saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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