$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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