Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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