The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liz is crying about burritos again.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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