matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
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Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
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Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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