3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
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I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
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It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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