how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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