You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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