I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
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I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
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The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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