Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
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I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
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Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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