went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
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I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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