I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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