I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
where does the pee come out of this thing
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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