Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
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Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
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Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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