She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
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after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
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i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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