she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
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you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
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Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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