so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
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She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
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Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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