I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize