Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
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I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
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Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize