I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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