who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
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Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
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I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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