She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
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I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
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Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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