Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So apparently I’m into choking now
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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