the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
try to milk me bitch
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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