haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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