considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
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we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
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Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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