Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
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Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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