Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
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I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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